A couple of months before I got into recovery, my good friend (probably frustrated by hearing about my “relationships”) suggested that I make a list of traits I wanted in a future mate. I made a list that looked a little something like this: musician, rich, dark hair, tall, big cock, good at sex.* She pointed out that these were all shallow things, that didn’t have anything to do with who a person really was.
So I changed “musician” to “creative,” “rich” to “good provider,” “tall” to “masculine,” “big cock” and “good at sex” to “sexually compatible.” There wasn’t really anything I could do with “dark hair.” I also added: intelligent, happy, loving, funny, honest and loyal; because no one wants a stupid, depressed, mean, dull, lying cheater.
I still have this list saved in my phone, and was looking at it earlier tonight. While I suppose having a checklist of character traits is better than having a checklist of list of bullshit things like hair color, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have a checklist at all. I’ve read The Secret. No, I’m not some secret The Secret devotee, but it can’t hurt to put it out there and ask the universe for what I want. Do I really know what I want, though? At this stage in the game, the first checklist still looks way more appealing to me than the second one. But those things probably aren’t what I need.
I’m currently dragging my feet on finishing Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” So maybe I should just let my higher power deal with the checklist. Besides, I won’t be able to even entertain the idea of dating for at least another three months.
I’m curious about other people’s opinions on having a checklist. Do you/did you have a checklist? If so what’s on it?
*If this describes you, please get in touch… kidding!… kind of