A couple of months ago, when I was really struggling with my HC obsession, I downloaded Blendr, the straight cousin of Grindr, the gay hook-up app. I also downloaded Grindr, ’cause HC swings both ways. I went on both apps a few times with an empty profile. No evidence of HC was found on either one, so I deleted both and forgot about them.
Until the other night, when I realized that Blendr was still on my phone. Interesting how I somehow forgot to delete the straight app, not the gay one, right?
Blendr doesn’t market itself as a hook-up service. It bills itself as a social networking app, where users can meet new friends in their immediate areas, who share similar interests and hobbies, like
spanking, oral sex and fucking yoga, wine tasting and writing. I went on Blendr Friday night and filled in some profile details, like my age, gender, and hobbies.
At first glance, Blendr looks totally PG-13 and benign. Users can’t upload explicit photos or text. I thought, Well this is totally Kosher. This isn’t against any bottom lines, right? I don’t remember if I shared this on here yet or not, but I am now able to “practice sober dating.” I am available to meet appropriate men in appropriate places (e.g. not Craigslist) to date soberly, meaning no sex outside of an exclusive, committed relationship. Never mind that I told myself I would stay away from online dating for a few months and only try to meet men in the real world. Blendr is on my phone and it only shows me users that are within a couple of miles from me. It’s basically the equivalent of taking a walk around my neighborhood and smiling and saying hello to all my neighbors… Except I don’t walk around my neighborhood at 2am. Also, when I smile and say hi to my neighbors they usually don’t flash their genitals at me.
In just a couple of days of using Blendr I’ve received dozens of cock shots, been hit on by married men, and gotten a few offers for phone sex. All in all,
a pretty good time a bad idea.
I’ve been extremely well behaved, though. I block men that make it clear they are only looking for sex, tell me they are married, or send me pictures of their genitals. I’ve also talked to a few seemingly nice men who haven’t done any of the above. I do realize, though, that hanging out on a website or phone app where the vast majority of users are looking for casual sex is playing with fire.
Another troubling issue is how addicted I am to the attention I receive. Every time I log in, I have tons of messages. While I’d like to think this is because of how beautiful I am (I don’t even have a picture up) or how smart, charming and funny I am (I haven’t filled out any text); it’s not. It’s because I’m female, and just like on other hook-up sites, the men outnumber the women and anything with a vagina gets hit on relentlessly. This desire for male validation has always been a problem for me and is something working on.
So here’s the plan: I’m going to give myself a couple more days on Blendr to see if it’s an appropriate place to meet potential suitors (spoiler alert: it not) and then delete it.
Have any of you ever used Blendr, Grindr or similar services? Feel free to share any stories in the comments.
Update: I just found the profile of someone I know through my family. Someone who I find both gross and creepy. My sponsor would probably say this is an example of my Higher Power at work. Blendr has been deleted.