Bad Idea of the Week: Blendr

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A couple of months ago, when I was really struggling with my HC obsession, I downloaded Blendr, the straight cousin of Grindr, the gay hook-up app. I also downloaded Grindr, ’cause HC swings both ways. I went on both apps a few times with an empty profile. No evidence of HC was found on either one, so I deleted both and forgot about them.

Until the other night, when I realized that Blendr was still on my phone. Interesting how I somehow forgot to delete the straight app, not the gay one, right?

Blendr doesn’t market itself as a hook-up service. It bills itself as a social networking app, where users can meet new friends in their immediate areas, who share similar interests and hobbies, like spanking, oral sex and fucking yoga, wine tasting and writing. I went on Blendr Friday night and filled in some profile details, like my age, gender, and hobbies.

At first glance, Blendr looks totally PG-13 and benign. Users can’t upload explicit photos or text. I thought, Well this is totally Kosher. This isn’t against any bottom lines, right? I don’t remember if I shared this on here yet or not, but I am now able to “practice sober dating.” I am available to meet appropriate men in appropriate places (e.g. not Craigslist) to date soberly, meaning no sex outside of an exclusive, committed relationship. Never mind that I told myself I would stay away from online dating for a few months and only try to meet men in the real world. Blendr is on my phone and it only shows me users that are within a couple of miles from me. It’s basically the equivalent of taking a walk around my neighborhood and smiling and saying hello to all my neighbors… Except I don’t walk around my neighborhood at 2am. Also, when I smile and say hi to my neighbors they usually don’t flash their genitals at me.

In just a couple of days of using Blendr I’ve received dozens of cock shots, been hit on by married men, and gotten a few offers for phone sex. All in all, a pretty good time a bad idea.

I’ve been extremely well behaved, though. I block men that make it clear they are only looking for sex, tell me they are married, or send me pictures of their genitals. I’ve also talked to a few seemingly nice men who haven’t done any of the above. I do realize, though, that hanging out on a website or phone app where the vast majority of users are looking for casual sex is playing with fire.

Another troubling issue is how addicted I am to the attention I receive. Every time I log in, I have tons of messages. While I’d like to think this is because of how beautiful I am (I don’t even have a picture up) or how smart, charming and funny I am (I haven’t filled out any text); it’s not. It’s because I’m female, and just like on other hook-up sites, the men outnumber the women and anything with a vagina gets hit on relentlessly. This desire for male validation has always been a problem for me and is something working on.

So here’s the plan: I’m going to give myself a couple more days on Blendr to see if it’s an appropriate place to meet potential suitors (spoiler alert: it not) and then delete it.

Have any of you ever used Blendr, Grindr or similar services? Feel free to share any stories in the comments.

Update: I just found the profile of someone I know through my family. Someone who I find both gross and creepy. My sponsor would probably say this is an example of my Higher Power at work. Blendr has been deleted.

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19 comments on “Bad Idea of the Week: Blendr

  1. I am terrified of using a dating site of any kind. No telling what kind of people you’ll meet on those things. You’re a braver soul than I.

    • Imperfect says:

      You would probably meet people like me: i.e. damaged and emotionally unstable. Dating sites were a big part of my acting out. For the time being I am staying away from them (with this small exception) and putting myself out there by going to singles and networking events. I wish I could just meet someone at the grocery store or in a yoga class, but I feel like than kind of thing only happens in romantic comedies. Where did you meet women you ended up dating (not just fucking) when you were single?

      • I met girls everywhere. Sometimes at the usual places–bars, clubs, parties, etc.–but just as often at random places like the grocery store, the parking lot at Subway, a video store, Denny’s on Thanksgiving…. I like talking to people, so all that mattered was whether I felt like striking up a conversation. Unfortunately, I don’t think I can give you much more insight than that!

  2. ….WAIT, I did use LavaLife once, with my ex Kelly, to find a third and fourth for one of our many group encounters. The initial encounter and the associated sex was amazing. But the dependency they developed for us was… unsettling. So, again, I dislike dating sites.

  3. pivoine68 says:

    Excellent post! I always find it amazing the number of male genitals there are floating around on different sites. I do some fucked up stuff on internet but I’ve never felt compelled to photograph my snatch as a profile picture. Then again, I don’t find it all that attractive. LOL. I agree with Bimodal, I think dating sites probably bring out the worst in us. Like chips, you can never eat just one.

    • Imperfect says:

      Lol. I happen to think my snatch is rather pretty. Still, it’s definitely not the first thing I want people to see when they meet me.

      • pivoine68 says:

        I didn’t think mine was any uglier than anyone else’s before Brazilian waxing…maybe I never really saw it all that well. I’m going to write a post about the whole issue because I’ve been thinking a lot about it. You are lucky to have a rather pretty snatch! 🙂 There is enough other stuff to be insecure about in life without wasting even more time worrying about the loveliness of yer muffin!

  4. I can’t believe I was as naïve as I was. JC had ads on sites like “Fling” all the way to “Christian Singles” and I never really worried about the “sex sites” because I didn’t think people actually openly hooked up for sex. I don’t know what I thought they were doing on these sites if not hooking up; just looking?

    It makes me sick that I was so stupid to believe JC wasn’t hooking up with these women. I don’t see anything wrong with it I guess if that’s what a person is into and they are single.

    I can’t even begin to guess how many women he must have been with all those years he had ads on all those xxx sites, and when he had the newspaper in the bathroom with the personal ad section and I thought it was just coincidence. It wasn’t until I started reading your blog that the light went on, I wish I would have found your blog yearS ago.

    • Imperfect says:

      So sorry you had to go through that Carrie!

      Most dating sites, even the religious sites like Jdate and Christian Singles, end up being hook-up sites for a lot of people. That’s why I think it’s best to avoid internet dating for now.

      • I had to laugh last time I talked to JC (he is in a “committed” relationship) he was telling me he’s given up on dating sites because the people on them all have real problems!! I thought well without you on there they have one less problem.

  5. Gillian Colbert says:

    Glad you deleted it … sounds like a slippery slope. Best wishes!

  6. There has been Something that has bothered me for almost 2 yrs and I haven’t mentioned it to anyone and well…. I want to ask your opinion on something said between JC and this woman he was talking to.

    Just your opinion if you don’t mind. We’ve been split for over a year so it shouldn’t bother me or matter any more I am curious though.

    At the time I was in BC and he was trucking between BC and Alberta. He had disappeared for about 4 days, said he’d been in the hospital with a Malaria attack. It was several weeks later that he used my laptop and didn’t sign off. When I went to use my computer his MSN messenger started beeping and women started messaging me. I shut it down but then went in and read some of his old messages to a woman.

    One of then after he had his disappearing act he asks her why she changed her nickname to whatever (I gather a cat name) and she replied, “Well, we both know your appetite for CRACKers with pussy meat” . I asked him about it and he didn’t know what I was talking about.

    To me it meant he’d spent that 4 days doing crack and eating pussy. What would you think?

    • Imperfect says:

      I have no clue. If he was doing crack it probably wouldn’t just be a one time thing.

      I’m glad you’re done with him. No one deserves to be treated like that.

  7. Not all online dating sites are evil. In fact many of the sites are fine, they simply attract a mixture of people, some of which have evil intentions !
    I don’t like the idea of 1000s of men oggling my dating profile and using me for masturbation fodder. Luckily there are some respectable sites that allow to user to restrict access of their profile to everyone except those they invite. The only problem is this doesn’t prevent the nutters still trying to act normal and sucking you in.
    Thanks for your honesty. Cheers, Michelle

    • Imperfect says:

      I 100 percent agree with you. I have several friends who met their spouses online, in fact. At some point I will probably allow myself to put up a profile on eharmony.

      At this point in my recovery, though, online dating seems too much like shopping. When I look at profile on dating sites, I pay attention to a guy’s picture, his height, and maybe his career/income. I rarely even read the profile text. I don’t want to be like that anymore, but don’t yet tryst myself to do otherwise.

  8. I’m glad you recognize that dating websites can be a valid tool. The good or the bad comes from how people use it. I think that online dating is so mainstream now, there is no “profile” anymore of the person who uses the most popular sites. You can find every kind of person, it stretches across all parts of society. And it’s true, how do you meet anyone when you’re not looking online?

  9. Pid says:

    Hi,

    What about search engine and pics?
    I dread to find my photo on Google …

    Is it safe?

    I want to make sure that my photos will only be available for who I decided.

    It’s not easy to give real pics (on the Web) the first time..

    Thx for your your feedback,

    P

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