When I first started working with my sponsor, everyday I would email her a list of five things I was grateful for. I’ve kind of been slacking with this lately. Today, however, I’m feeling so grateful I’m going to write my list here.
1. Awesome friends. My friend Marie spent over nine hours at my place helping me pack/keeping me company today. She went through three boxes of disorganized papers that she organized, filed, and helped me weed through. Now it’s one box of organized files. I could have never done this on my own. I get sooo overwhelmed by paperwork and just end up drowning in it. I told her, more that once, that if she had a dick, I would owe her at least 10 blow-jobs. Of course I was joking, but it’s still a little sad that I only know how to express gratitude sexually. Tomorrow, another girl, who I really don’t know all that well, is coming over to help me. I mentioned that I was moving and she offered to help. In the old days, my response would have been, “thanks, but I’ve got it covered,” even when I desperately needed help. I hope that wasn’t what she expected me to say.
2. A whole new wardrobe. Like an idiot, I used to buy clothes that were too small for me, thinking, “I’ll fit into this eventually.” With my history, the smarter bet if I wanted to fit into something in the future, would be to buy clothes two or three sizes too big. Today, while cleaning out my linen closet, I found a whole stash of these “skinny clothes” that I had stashed there a couple years back, and guess what? Most of them now fit or are very close to fitting. Those that were still too small I put in the garage sale pile.
3. A new, less-expensive apartment in a hipper neighborhood that is free of bad memories.
4. Hope. If you read my blog this morning, my day stated with some self-loathing. Luckily that feeling passed fairly quickly. When I was active in my addiction it was all self-loathing all the time. I now have hope for my future. Things are so much better than they were, and I know they will continue to get even better.
5. Recovery partners. Even though I ditched the meeting I had planned to go to this morning, I did contact a couple of my recovery partners. Their encouragement managed to pull me out of the funk I was in this morning.