My Ideal Man

A couple of months before I got into recovery, my good friend (probably frustrated by hearing about my “relationships”) suggested that I make a list of traits I wanted in a future mate. I made a list that looked a little something like this: musician, rich, dark hair, tall, big cock, good at sex.* She pointed out that these were all shallow things, that didn’t have anything to do with who a person really was.

So I changed “musician” to “creative,” “rich” to “good provider,” “tall” to “masculine,” “big cock” and “good at sex” to “sexually compatible.” There wasn’t really anything I could do with “dark hair.” I also added: intelligent, happy, loving, funny, honest and loyal; because no one wants a stupid, depressed, mean, dull, lying cheater.

I still have this list saved in my phone, and was looking at it earlier tonight. While I suppose having a checklist of character traits is better than having a checklist of list of bullshit things like hair color, I’m not sure it’s a good idea to have a checklist at all. I’ve read The Secret. No, I’m not some secret The Secret devotee, but it can’t hurt to put it out there and ask  the universe for what I want.  Do I really know what I want, though? At this stage in the game, the first checklist  still looks way more appealing to me than the second one. But those things probably aren’t what I need.

I’m currently dragging my feet on finishing Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” So maybe I should just let my higher power deal with the checklist. Besides, I won’t be able to even entertain the idea of dating for at least another three months.

I’m curious about other people’s opinions on having a checklist. Do you/did you have a checklist? If so what’s on it?

*If this describes you, please get in touch… kidding!… kind of

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6 comments on “My Ideal Man

  1. Friend says:

    I remember this conversation!! I had made a “I will never again…” checklist and felt it would be a healthy step in my self development if I actually held to it. It also wasn’t too long ago that I had my own checklist of what a prospective mate could or could not be before I would consider him bf potential. For a long (and very sad time) it was merely that he had to show interest in me and that was sufficient. Even though I eventually made my “list” it proved it was useless in my search for my Mr. Right. When I met *Scott, he was divorcing and had children- two major disqualifies. Although the divorce is a pain, I love the kids, despite my expectations. I think you have to be careful with lists at all- or you might miss someone truly wonderful. Love you, and so proud of all you are doing.

  2. Imperfect says:

    Thank you! I love you too and am so glad you found someone that makes you happy.

  3. Opheliac says:

    LOL- i have a “list” but it’s more like a novel. i think everyone has preferences, and while it is good to have bottom lines, when things are superficial, you could be missing out on opportunities when you focus on “dark hair” or for me “shaved head and tattoos”… mmmm. Where was i? Oh yeah, lists. Making lists is great- but you need to remember the importance of compromise, and of course, periodically look over and make any necessary updates 😛

  4. sirtilc42 says:

    I don’t match it at all, but I’m funny. That’s a plus 🙂

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