Joe Turner, Asshole*

I met Joe in April 2010. He wasn’t my type (my type=tall, dark hair, musician/artist), but he managed to seduce me (a pretty easy task, if truth be told) almost right away.

Joe fancied himself a dominant, take charge kind of guy . He was also very possessive. The second time we hung out he told me that I wasn’t “allowed” to see anyone else. A normal person would have probably told him to get lost, but I, a non-normal person, thought, “hmm… let’s see where this goes.” I pretended to agree, but kept seeing other people.

One Friday in June he failed to show up for a date. At first I was worried about him, but after calling and texting him for a week, I realized that if something had happened to him, someone else would have probably have gotten back to me. Or if he was lying undiscovered in a ditch, his phone would be dead and going straight to voice mail, which would be full. But his phone was still ringing and I was still able to leave him voice mail messages.

I was pissed. Of all the spineless ways of breaking up with someone, standing them up and never calling again was the worst (maybe second to a sudden stop in communication followed by facebook friend removal — yes, this has happened to me before… twice). Keep in mind I had been seeing him for two months at this point, it wasn’t like it was our first or second date.

One night I sent him a drunken text that said something like, “since you don’t seem to have enough balls to actually break up with me, I guess you don’t mind that next weekend I have dates with two other men.” The actual text probably had a bit more swearing, name calling, and drunken spelling errors. Also, I think I described the physical attributes of these (imaginary) men.

To my surprise, the next day I got a phone call from Joe. Joe had one of the best excuses (ever!) for standing a girl up and not returning her phone calls for two weeks. You see, the Friday that Joe and I were supposed to have that date he failed to show up for he had been in a car accident. He was riding in his friend’s (of course) car and another car had crashed into his friend’s car. Although Joe didn’t break any bones or get any cuts or bruises, his phone was destroyed. Also… Joe had sustained a head injury and had been in a coma (a fucking coma!) for the past two weeks. So that’s why Joe had stood me up and hadn’t been return my phone calls. That’s why.

The point of this story isn’t to flame this idiot, but rather to show what kind of nonsense and drama used to pass for a “relationship” in my head; to show how desperate I was for any crumbs of attention and affection I could get. The sick part is, even though I knew Joe was telling me the biggest whopper I had ever heard, I still was willing to give him another chance. As luck would have it, we never ended up seeing each other again, but it wasn’t due to lack of tying on my part.

I know if I don’t work on myself and fix all this crazy shit inside of me, I will spend the rest of my life bouncing from one Joe Turner to the next.

*While the asshole part is true, the name is made-up.

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2 comments on “Joe Turner, Asshole*

  1. Cooper says:

    He sounds like a douche drizzle. His excuse makes him smell like total santorum. If you don’t know what santorum is, you should Google it. The point is, men like these do not deserve your time and emotions. I am glad you have made the decision to move on and not let this person waste anymore of your time. Cheers.

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