When I was in “the active phase of my sex and love addiction” (also known as a month or two ago), I was great at avoidance. For example, I would think to myself, “It doesn’t really matter that my rent is more than I can afford. When I move in with my BOYFRIEND, I’ll be saving A LOT of money.” At this point, I should probably mention that I do not have a boyfriend and haven’t had one in about a decade. Although I have dated/fucked/become infatuated with many, many men in that time, none of them were crazy enough to claim the title of boyfriend.

Lacking a boyfriend did not stop me from fantasizing that he was right around the corner, so paying bills on time, finding a real job, and dealing with other real life, grown-up affairs became secondary to looking for him. While I wasn’t busy looking for “The One” I occupied myself by spending time with “He’ll Do For Now.” If the sex was good enough, I frequently became convinced that “He’ll Do For Now” was actually “The One” and then became obsessed with getting HDFN to fall in love with me. As a result of focusing nearly all of my attention on this pursuit and obsession, my life (and also my credit) is in a bit of a shambles.

Now that I’m in recovery, I have to face the fact that my fantasy Boyfriend/Prince Charming/Daddy is not coming to rescue me. I am now tasked with the responsibility of rescuing myself. What that looks like, at present, is finding a more affordable apartment and a slumlord landlord who will rent to someone with imperfect credit. Next up will be fixing my credit and getting a job with security and benefits.

While these maybe difficult tasks, they are in no way impossible.


2 comments on “Rescue

  1. Opheliac says:

    i love your style of writing, and do believe i am hooked. Might take me a while to get through all of these posts, but i look forward to reading more about you luv 🙂

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